Sorry I haven’t been posting very much lately, either been busy, enjoying my free time off, but I’m also missing D 😦
It won’t be long until I see him again but I swear the long distance between us is making us feel even worse over time when we’re not together.
Some days I just feel like crying, especially when we FaceTime each other because the WiFi connection is just terrible. Do you know how hard it is to lipread over frozen calls? When we’re together we talk about anything and everything, and to go back home from that to hardly ever speaking to each other… it really hurts. People always say, can’t you just text each other? It’s not the same… I want to see his face, I want to see his smile, I want to hear his voice. Even when we do text, we can’t always think of anything to talk about, which sucks!
The distance does break my heart, and I can’t tell you how painful the goodbyes are. It feels like someone is ripping my heart out and my eyes feel like they’re burning from all the crying. It’s like someone’s not letting me see him again, sometimes it feels like he’s gone forever. The last time we said goodbye, it hurt that much that I don’t think I could deal with it again. I texted my mum and D and said I might consider moving up there, just to be with him as I can’t bear to say goodbye again. Only thing is I’ve got my apprenticeship, he’s got college and we both can’t afford a place to live… so I guess I’ve got to put up with it for now. But someday I will, and I can’t wait to get a single ticket and not have to return home!
Some nights, I just lay in my bed just wishing I could be next to him… but instead, waiting for a text message as he takes forever to reply! But that might just be me being impatient… The other day, D sent me a message that he was feeling ‘down’ because he missed me. Moments like that, I’d do anything just to give him a hug.
People don’t understand how difficult long distance relationships are, but add ‘deaf’ into the equation, it makes it a whole lot harder. I am lucky in a way I guess, because some couples live overseas from each other, others have partners in the Army, and my heart goes out to them as I can imagine how hard it must be.
I was listening to Vanessa Carlton’s song, ‘A Thousand Miles’… and it got me thinking about him, and was the inspiration behind this post… “Cause you know I’d walk a thousand miles, If I could just see you tonight”
I must admit, writing this post did make me cry, but I wanted to share my feelings with you guys about what it’s like being in a long distance relationship with a deaf boyfriend. The distance may be our enemy, but our love is stronger and together we can beat it!
I’d love to hear your thoughts and personal stories!
Love E x
3 thoughts on “Mini Update, bit of an emotional one!”
Although my relationship wasn’t long distance, the time it took to see my boyfriend again tore me apart over the years. Unfortunately mine, does not have a happy ending. It doesn’t mean yours will turn out like mine either. But for me, after a relationship of 6 years, I called it a day. In the 6 years I been with him, we only seen it each other at weekends and the last few years of the relationship, in addition to the weekends, I chatted via Skype with him once a week. I spent a week once in one year when we went on our first holiday and the other times was when I lived in a bad area and had time at his for a break.
The last 4 years of our 6 year relationship, we talked about moving in together. He was happy to move in mine. He knew I did not want to live back up his way. But he always said he was happy with that. I was happy to change tenancy when time came to us moving in together, so that we had equal rights.
The last 2 years of our relationship, he promised he would move in. But it never happened. I called it a day. He promised for a third time, that he would move in. Naturally I did not believe this would happen. In all the 6 year relationship, I felt it was part time. He never told me when he was off sick from work, yet I told him. So I felt I could never help him, like he helped me.
We had a year break. In that year break, we seen each other odd times as friends, but towards the end, he was once again failing to keep his side of the deal as friends and I felt I was waiting and me doing the chasing. I moved from where I lived as I wanted a warmer and smaller place and told him I was moving. But not where. I never changed my mobile number. It took him 3 months to arrange a day out to meet. That day out meeting he texted me wasn’t even a day notice. I already made plans to see my Mum that day he hoped to arrange to meet me, that I arranged a week before. So I wasn’t going to drop my Mum for him. From that text he sent, it gave me the impression that he knew he probably would not get a reply and blown it. He was right. I did not answer.
To this day. If he really wanted to chase me up and really loved me as he said, then he could have made the effort to contact me still without leaving his home. My mobile number is the same, but he has not texted since to try. He knows I have a blog, which has a contact email. But not used that.
I loved him very much and I still do. But I do my own thing. My heart I consider taken. If I was to go out with someone again, then that person will be very lucky. But I don’t see that happening. I just plan to stay single and busy with personal challenges of my own, like new volunteer work and courses to hopefully get the career I want.
My family and friends were disappointed to hear he could not commit. They all liked him. No one, including myself had a nasty word to say. I am just disappointed. But I obviously was not enough.
Sorry for long post.
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Hi Liz, thanks for your comment! I don’t mind long ones!
I’m glad you understand part of what I’m going through and I’m sorry to hear it didn’t work out, but I’m sure you will find someone who will be lucky to have you! 🙂
I certainly understand. I know when I knew I wanted to be with him, when it came to going back to our own places, I just did not want us to. So I do understand. 🙂
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